Thoughts on ‘A Sense of Belonging, by Dr Holan Liang’

What’s it about:

‘A sense of belonging - being liked, understood, accepted for who we are - is vital for our mental health….For Dr Holan Liang, one of the UK's foremost psychiatrists, this crisis of identity cuts right to the heart of the modern epidemic of anxiety and depression. In this ground-breaking book, she draws on her own experience as an immigrant to the UK, and on 20 years of caring for patients suffering from a range of mental health conditions, from depression and anxiety to ADHD and anorexia, to explore a radical new perspective on mental health.’ (From Google books)

What Lynn learned:

• P. 7 being loved and understood unconditionally is a lifetime requirement, not just for children.

• P. 41 steps explaining how we choose our peer group:

  ‘1) Understanding our own identity.

  2) Evaluating the identity of available groups to join.

  3) Selecting a group that is a good match.

  4) Mutual adjustments between ourselves and other group members.’

• p99 - the definition and importance of loneliness - ‘to be lonely is different to solitude, it is the disconnect between the amount and kind of interaction you desire and have. A 2010 study showed that the impact of loneliness on death rates estimated its effect to be double that of obesity and quadruple that of air pollution’

• p. 121 the impact of autism on loneliness is crucial to understand – a person with a social and communication deficit can ‘despite their best efforts, become aware that they are getting it wrong, and the sheer effort of trying to conform to a confusing landscape, constantly policing and editing their own behaviour, eventually takes its toll on their mental health’.

• We all are responsible for promoting inclusion in our everyday behaviour (p. 207).

• Being a chameleon in social situation can promote short-term inclusion, but leave us with long-term cognitive dissonance, wondering whether we belong or not (p. 219).

Fave quote:

‘I can’t stand you

I can’t understand you

I won’t understand you

I want to understand you

I understand you’

Loved this bit:

The author herself admits her own unconscious bias that she would more readily have been drawn to a book written by someone with a Western name.

Why relevant right now:

We all need to find our place in the world.

Interest factor: 4/5

Coffee table cred: 2/5

Ignorance of external world while reading: 5/5

Book cover design: 3/5

Help the existential crisis: 5/5