How to survive the festive period: Neurodiverse Edition
Isn’t it the most wonderful time of year… to get obsessive about plans, stress about social burnout and overanalyse whether you are having as much ‘fun’ as everyone else?
I don’t like Christmas.
It confuses me. It stresses me. And it confuses and stresses me that I have to pretend that I don’t feel that way.
Over the years, I have searched for solutions in many-a-self-help column. I soak up advice like a brandy-filled-Christmas-pudding-raisin (I’m not sure if I’ve actually ever had Christmas pudding. My family are all about homemade trifle).
From these sources, I’ve gathered that routines and social connections are good, and comparing yourself to others is not good.
But it’s all just a bit vague.
What does that really mean in your day-to-day life?
I’ve broken it down into my real-life examples.
Take yourself for a drink
Office nights can be fun but also can be tricky and confusing. Rather than give you tips on how to make small talk and how to drink-enough-alcohol-to-seem-social-but-not-enough-to-appear-unprofessional, go for a drink yourself and read a book.
GDPR-social-connection-opt-in-policy
Totally reach out to people and chat for company. But don’t just phone people out of the blue. Even although people say you can ‘do it anytime’, most people find this alarming, and/or won’t answer. This year I asked people in advance if I could add them to my ‘cool to call for a chat’ list. It’s like a friend GDPR-opt-in-policy.
Gifts-en-bulk
Avoid an internet-shopping-vortex (‘maybe my sister DOES want this niche handmade slate?!’), choose a theme and buy everyone the same thing. This could be a book you love, a scarf, or a photo-gift.
Orrrrrr take people literally
If someone asks for a box of chocolates, give them that. Save mental energy by avoiding second guessing social politics.
Don’t send Christmas cards
Obv.
Repurposed packaging
Use bags-for-life instead of wrap and giftbags. Cheap, reusable and planet-friendly.
Chalkbard on kitchen wall
Weekly planners
Use a couple of weekly planners (or A4 bits of paper) and put in your non-negotiables over the few festive weeks – e.g. self-care, food shopping, bedtime routines. Before you overcommit, prioritise these and use these to ground you and to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Year-long decorations
Save time, effort and the dreaded-bare-walls-of-January by decorating spaces with things that can meet your sensory needs and reflect your passions all year round. I’ve gone for loads of twinkle lights and a feminist festive tree – both of which will be permanent home features from now on.
Feminist festive tree
As a neurodivergent person, the above form part of my survival strategies.
However, when you ‘rebel against the norm’ – or as I like to call it ‘set boundaries and meet my needs’ – some people may find it challenging. Helpful ways to deal with this are: keep things vague (‘I’m busy’/’I have other things I need to do’), surrounding yourself with your tribe, smiling politely, and knowing that, over time, new routines become old traditions.
I hope that helps and I hope you have an average and safe few weeks :)
