Weekly Round-up: 11/12/22
Nellie Bly Investigative Journalism.
Why it motivates me:
Bly faced serious barriers in her chosen career of journalism due to gender, and she kept going until she found a way to be published.
I feel connected to her as she was fighting for mental health rights over a century ago and she made a real impact – change is possible!
Nellie Bly was an American journalist (May 5, 1864 – January 27, 1922) who conducted some super interesting investigative journalism (She also happened to complete a record-breaking trip around the world in 72 days). Her writings were rejected by editors in her early career due to her being a woman, so she suggested to do some undercover reporting from a woman’s mental health hospital to research the conditions. She managed to feign her way into the ‘Women's Lunatic Asylum on Blackwell's Island’ (what a glorious title) to investigate the claims of brutality and neglect.
On being admitted, she acted as she usually would, yet the staff still interpreted her actions as signs of mental illness. She managed to expose the inhumane conditions – exposed waste, barely edible food, being forced to sit on hard benches all day. Of the impact on her she reported:
‘What, excepting torture, would produce insanity quicker than this treatment? Here is a class of women sent to be cured. I would like the expert physicians who are condemning me for my action, which has proven their ability, to take a perfectly sane and healthy woman, shut her up and make her sit from 6 a.m. until 8 p.m. on straight-back benches, do not allow her to talk or move during these hours, give her no reading and let her know nothing of the world or its doings, give her bad food and harsh treatment, and see how long it will take to make her insane. Two months would make her a mental and physical wreck.’
You can read the full piece of journalism online.
Her writings led to reforms and increased budgets for the treatment of women’s mental health and she received critical acclaim for her work.
How not to…. Say No.
Saying ‘yes’ to everything has an appeal. There’s a film about it (I totally for it was Zooey Deschanel in ‘Yes Man’!) and, if you watch Married at First Sight Australia like I do (not embarrassed), there’s a ‘yes week’. Go along with others and do what they want. Sign up to everything. You won’t miss out.
But don’t expect to be happy.
People pleasers have tendencies to never say ‘no’. Of course we can do more and fix that and be everything to everyone.
You’ll also know that through social media it always seems like everyone else is having a much better time than us, especially in the festive season and in summer. Or it seems like we need to protest against that and convince others that we are miserable. Interestingly, goblin mode is the Oxford word of 2022 – ‘It is defined as “a type of behaviour which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly, or greedy, typically in a way that rejects social norms or expectations” (also known, throughout lockdown, as simply “existing”)’ (Stuart, Guardian, 2022).
Without being locked-down, our options are superfluous. The pressure this festive season surely feels greater after the ‘lost years’ of Covid.
Yet, with freedom comes great possibility. We need to practice the art of saying ‘no’.
I love these phrases to lift and use whenever you need to practice boundaries:
1. “This isn’t the right time for me, but I do have some resources that might help.”
2. “I wish I could, but there are other things I need to say yes to.”
3. “Thanks for asking, but I just don’t do X.”
(Oprah Daily, ‘7 Ways to say no for people pleasers!’)
I can’t small talk.
I don’t know how to say this but… I just don’t care.
Not about people. People can be great. I love people, especially some people.
And sometimes I even like speaking to people. Having casual moments of connectedness and ‘banter’.
I simply can’t bring myself to care about the everyday actions of people I don’t know, what you ate today, or whatever other chitchat people engage in.
I genuinely wish I could. It would make all our lives easier.
Indeed, the School of Life, a wonderful philosophical hub, argues for the much-needed function of small talk, ‘Small talk exists for a noble reason: it is designed to prevent hurt. It provides us with a rich source of information so that we can safely ascertain the frame of mind of our interlocutor – and therefore gauge what more in-depth topics of conversation might safely be broached.’ (What to do at parties if you hate small talk).
Personally, I’d prefer to get straight to the deep stuff. That said, if I view it as an ‘in’ to introduce more deep topics, perhaps I could be persuaded after all….
‘Ngozi Fulani: Lady Susan Hussey's race comments were abuse, says charity boss’
Key things to know:
A member of staff who worked closely with the Queen asked a woman at an event about ‘where she was ‘really’ from’ – which was linked to her skin colour.
A lot of people have shared their views on the incident and the palace’s response. Some commentators have condemned removing the staff member and policing language as ‘going too far’, while others have linked it to a wider racism and royalty discussion, happening in connection with the release of Meghan and Harry episodes on Netflix.
Why it is important
Inclusive language, i.e. choosing language that does not perpetuate stereotypes or exclude people, is crucial to create an equal society. There is a great article from Harvard Business Review from 2020 which explains that asking this question, although often done out of curiosity, implies a sense of not-belonging (‘What’s wrong with asking ‘where are you really from’?’). This reinforces any sense of alienation and can lead to further exclusion.
It’s interesting to see the public attitudes in response to inclusive language. Over time, are moves towards equality still getting accused of ‘PC gone mad’?
Arty Friday
Weekend Adventures
Self-care Sunday
Things I’ve been doing this week to take care of my mind and body:
Listening… to my body and mind, which is relatively new to me. I’m trying to slow down and connect with what’s going on inside which is daunting.
Tidying…. out my things and doing some ‘boring’ chore work, which I always avoid but feel better after.
Planning…. A low-key festive season filled with nature, board games and books, and minimal social demands.
School of life spotlight:
‘Learn, Heal, Grow’ – content that resonated with me this week.
How can we grow emotionally?
